I have a self-confidence problem.

I’m a natural introvert. Speaking with people drains my energy, especially in groups. Standing in front of 100 people as a Director or VP? That still makes me nervous. Senior executives? Even worse. I chose computers specifically to avoid dealing with people. I’m a nerd who found it easier to work with machines than humans.

And yet, somehow, I spent 14 years as a software engineer, architect, and technical lead. Then another 14 years climbing into management, eventually reaching VP level. How does an introvert who actively avoided people-facing roles end up leading teams of up to 250 people across telecom, aerospace, MedTech, and in-flight entertainment?

The answer is simple, but it took me nearly three decades to see it: someone believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself.

The quiet champion

My wife, Elisa, has always known something about me that I couldn’t see. She watched me tinker and build: tiling kitchens, installing built-in cabinets, automating our smart home, building a full-sized arcade cabinet, building my own HomeLab (IT infrastructure at home), just to name a few. I did these things because they were fun. I’d dive deep into learning something new, research obsessively, and execute until it looked professional (not perfect, just good enough).

Elisa saw a pattern I missed: I had the ability to learn something new and do it well. So when career opportunities arose (leading hundreds of people, transitioning from desktop apps to mobile and connected systems, moving into in-flight entertainment, rocket software, embedded development, MedTech), she never pushed. She simply said:

“Kayang-kaya mo yan! Believe ako sa iyo!”

You can do this. I believe in you.

Whether the opportunity was lucrative or would lead to success wasn’t the point. What mattered was the difference between trying something new and doing nothing because of fear of failure. Behind the scenes, before every new role, those words of encouragement motivated me not just to take the job, but to learn everything about it and give it my best shot.

The weight of Elisa’s confidence in me cannot be overstated. We are a team, more so now as we build our business together. Her belief didn’t just support my career; it fundamentally changed who I became. I am more than who I was destined for because of her. Every risk I took, every promotion I accepted, every moment I stepped beyond my comfort zone, her voice was there: Believe ako sa iyo. This isn’t just my success story. It’s ours.

The power of specificity

At Panasonic, I was passing by Tom Eskola’s office. Tom was a peer to my boss, and I valued his perspective. I was worried about one of my deliverables and afraid I was going to fail. Tom stopped me and started rattling off things he’d seen me do, counting on his fingers:

“You move things forward rather than asking permission, even as a first-level manager you operate more like a Director. You successfully established Scrum where other teams tried and failed. You brought teams together to deliver the project and led them to coordinate rather than working in silos…”

He kept going. Eight things total. He needed both hands to count them all.

I didn’t even recognize that what I was doing was exceptional. I thought I was just doing my job. But someone noticed. Someone took the time to articulate specifically what I was doing well. That conversation didn’t just fuel me to finish the project; it gave me the confidence to continue leading an eight-team effort, presenting myself as an authoritative figure, and delivering on time on a project that was running late when I inherited it.

A career built on belief

Tom wasn’t the only one. Over the years, I’ve been fortunate to have managers and colleagues who took the time to acknowledge what I was doing well: Bruno Wiart, Noreen Fong, Rick Carpenter, Tony Clark, Bik Singh, Dan Stack, Brian Deeley, Chris Vandenberg, Jyoti Modi, Regan Ostroot, and Darrel Cox. Not all of them were my direct managers, just people who noticed, who cared enough to tell me I was doing a great job, and who gave me opportunities and cheered me on to do more.

I can recall almost every instance when they told me I was doing great work. More importantly, I remember why they said it was great when they highlighted the specific aspects of my work.

Here’s what I realized only in the last four or five years: there’s a cycle. Positive feedback leads to leaning in more. Doing more of what worked. Which leads to new opportunities. It wasn’t just that I did good work and got promoted. Between the compliment and the reward was a period where I doubled down on what I was being recognized for. A simple compliment doesn’t result in a promotion, but repeatedly doing good work because people noticed you were doing it well? That creates opportunities.

The science behind the support

The research backs this up. Studies show that effective praise-to-reprimand ratios in professional settings range from 5:1 to 8:1. Think of it like the old saying about prevention and cure: an ounce of positive reinforcement is worth more than a pound of critical feedback. You still need corrective feedback when something goes wrong, but building people up proactively is far more effective than constantly fixing what’s broken.

Positive reinforcement doesn’t just acknowledge behavior; it inspires people to repeat and amplify it. It creates forward momentum. It provides clarity about what to keep doing.

Contrast that with reprimands. I’ve been yelled at. I’ve been called out in front of peers. And here’s the thing: I can barely remember why I was reprimanded. What I remember is the embarrassment. The heightened emotion. The feeling of being diminished. The corrective action I should have taken gets lost in the shame. It’s like an argument with a loved one: you forget the reason you started arguing, but you remember the hurt.

Positive feedback, on the other hand, motivates me orders of magnitude more.

Paying it forward

I’m still a student of this. I’ve given positive reinforcement in the past, but not always as well as I should have. Not always with the structured, detailed feedback it deserved. “Good job” isn’t enough. The lesson I’m still learning is: tell people why it was good. Did they deliver on time? Go above and beyond? Lead others? Unblock tasks? Think outside the box? Create exceptional value?

Recently, I gave feedback to Qandaba’s newly hired marketing lead. I told her that even though she was hired as an individual contributor, she started with leadership qualities: managing tasks for her peer, delivering on commitments, not spending time overthinking things or trying to please me but soliciting feedback for a collaborative approach. She pushes us with a sense of urgency. This doesn’t just affirm that what she’s doing is correct; it signals she should do more of it.

The takeaway

If there’s one thing I want you to take from my story, it’s this: words matter. Specific, genuine positive feedback can change the trajectory of someone’s career. It did for me.

So here’s what I’m asking you to do:

1. Give specific, detailed positive feedback. Don’t just say “good job.” Tell your team members, your colleagues, your peers exactly what they’re doing well and why it matters. Count it on your fingers if you have to.

2. Reflect on who believed in you. Think about the people who saw your potential before you did. The ones who gave you opportunities. Who cheered you on. Who told you specifically what you were doing right. Then thank them. Publicly, if you can. Privately, if you prefer. But let them know they made a difference.

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To Elisa, my wife, my partner, my champion: We are a team now more than ever as we build our business together. The weight of your confidence in me has been the foundation of everything I’ve accomplished. I am more than who I was destined for because of you. Mahal na mahal kita!

To Tom, Bruno, Noreen, Rick, Tony, Bik, Dan, Brian, Chris, Jyoti, Regan, and Darrel: Salamat po. Thank you. You saw something in me I couldn’t see in myself, and that made all the difference.

And to everyone reading this: Who will you believe in today?